Chelsea vs. The Owl

Last night, I had a showdown with an owl. That's right, a full-feathered, creepy-necked, sharp-beaked owl.

Did my owl encounter happen on a farm? Or in a heavily-wooded area where the chance of an owl run-in is probable?

No.

My owl showdown happened at the grocery store.



Now, I know what you're thinking: Chelsea, do you live in some rural area where owls fly amuck and frequent the local grocer?

Nope. I live in Phoenix, Arizona.

PHOENIX.

So, anyway...I was walking out of the grocery store at approximately 8:30pm when a giant owl swooped down from the roof--or wherever he'd been hiding--and landed right in front of me. But he kept his wings outstretched, like he was going to give me a hug. Or flap me to death.

For a moment, I just stood there. Looking around the parking lot to see if anyone--anyone at all--was nearby to witness this unusual bird encounter. But, of course, the parking lot was completely empty.

I paused. I blinked. And then I took a step forward. I had every intention of dropping my groceries, tip-toeing around the giant owl, and running like a madman to my car.  Because, as some of you know, owls terrify me. They are big...and mean...and have talons.... What's not frightening about all that?

I mean...just look at those talons!!!

So, my plan was to drop my bag and flee. Screw the coffee creamer and butternut squash ravioli I'd just paid for. My life was at stake. (Because, no doubt, this owl planned to eat me alive.)

But as soon as I began to move away from the scary beast (have I mentioned how HUGE owls are in person? They're HUGE.) the owl started to hoot.

Hoot-hoot! Hoot-hoot!

I froze. The owl twisted his head from side to side (which is creepy, by the way) and just hooted at the top of his lungs--for no reason!

Although, who knows? Maybe Harry Potter sent this owl to me with a critical Hogwarts message and due to my insane--yet, totally rational--fear of owls I failed to retrieve said message and now Voldemort is going to take over all the magic in the land and fill the night sky with smoke snakes!

OR....

Maybe it was just a crazy owl hooting away at me because he wanted my ravioli.

Either way, I gripped my car keys in my hand (like tiny knuckle weapons), side-stepped the deadly bird, and hurried to my vehicle where I immediately locked myself inside--just in case he knew how to open car doors with his razor-blade claws.

Phew! Close one.

Anyway...just another night in the life of Chelsea.  Silly owls.