***
“Why doesn’t Carter sleep by you?”
I open my eyes to find Chloe staring at me.
“What?” I blink.
“Why does Carter sleep on the couch
every night and you sleep in here with me?”
I can’t exactly explain to a six
year-old how Carter and I haven’t had sex—but we want to—but we can’t because
there are five people living in this two-bedroom apartment made of paper walls which make sleeping arrangements less than ideal, so instead I smile.
“Because I like sleeping with you.”
I kiss her nose.
“But isn’t Carter lonely by
himself?”
Probably. I uprooted him
from his whole life and now he’s working his butt off and trying to keep my spirits
up as we try to run this broken home. And he’s out there sleeping on the uncomfortable
couch. My heart drops.
“Don't worry about Carter. He’s a big, tough guy,” I say.
“Big people don’t get lonely?” Her
little eyebrow quirks.
“Yes, baby. Everyone gets lonely
sometimes. But Carter doesn’t want you to get lonely—so he sleeps out there so
I can snuggle beside you.” I wiggle closer to her and poke my nose into her
cheek a few times until she giggles.
“You’re silly.” She pushes my
nose pack with a smile.
“I know. Now go to bed.” I kiss her
forehead and close my eyes, but there’s no way I can sleep now because I’m thinking about Carter in the cold living room all by himself. I wait until Chloe’s
breathing becomes even before sneaking out of bed and padding my way down the
hall.
The boys’ bedroom door is open and
Michael is passed out on his sheets, looking too old and big to be the little
Michael I knew yesterday. Abram is asleep with his mouth hanging open. He looks older too.
Do I look older?
I frown. Eighteen probably looks like forty on me.
I silently close their door and
move through the house. Carter is on the couch, asleep with his shoes still on as the TV murmurs in the corner. I turn off the TV
and pull his shoes off before unfolding the blanket at the foot of the couch
and setting it over him.
His hair’s a mess but his face is
peaceful and my heart clenches as I stare at my best friend. I quietly pull
back the blanket and climb onto the couch with him, wanting to feel him.
Wanting to remind him that he’s not alone.
I lay my body beside his,
trying not to crowd him too much. I just need to be here for two
minutes. Two minutes, then I’ll go back to bed with Chloe.
“Soph?” his sleepy voice cracks.
Streetlights outside the window cast an orange glow on his
furrowed brow and groggy eyes.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I wasn’t
trying to wake you. I just wanted to be by you.”
He pulls me
against his chest, wraps me under the blanket with him, and kisses my head. “I like you by me," he whispers back.
I’m not leaving in two minutes. I
might never leave at all.
Because here in Carter's arms I feel like the safest
thing in the world.
***
Thanks for reading, guys. :) Have a great week!
Thanks for reading, guys. :) Have a great week!
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